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The Wacky Cook is still under lockdown and still does not feel like cooking. Here is another short story by Debbie Morgenstern.

The Cockroach by Debbie Morgenstern

She was watching television. Fully stretched out on her bed, she was resting after a rather busy day of household activity. Watching the news, she finally decided it was a total waste of time. She got upset with all the horrors of the world invading her bedroom; instead of resting, she became tense, irritable and ready to kill.

She tried watching a film but it was stupid. Flicking through the channels was just as hopeless. Turning off the TV, she thought she saw something move on the floor. Something black. Nah! Couldn't be, she muttered to herself. "This is MY bedroom" she thought. Nothing would dare move in her room. Nothing! But she slowly moved her head toward the imagined object and sitting there on the floor, close to her bed, her unbelieving eyes perceived the largest cockroach she has ever seen.

When she moved, it stopped. Antennas flaring from side to side, jet black, enormous and quite revolting! She was convinced that the beast was glaring at her. This black horror! And there it sat, in her bedroom, just staring at her.

It was a definite stalemate. Obviously, they were both holding their breath; she knew that she was! What should she do? She could have used her shoe - it was right there, reachable even from her supine position. But she simply was not able to kill them. Television, people, yes, she was ready to kill them at all hours of the day or night. But those dreadful big crawling things? Never! As much as she hated them and really suffered when they appeared, she could not kill them. That's always where her hero came in. He was very brave. He was also very big. When he took off his shoe, raised it to the sky and hobbled off in hot pursuit of an escaping cockroach, it was a very impressive sight indeed.

At that moment, he was working in the next room, close by, but quite unaware of the drama taking place so near. She managed to call out to him and was about to tell him to come in very quietly and slowly, when the bloody beast disappeared under the bed and her hero came in wanting to know what was her pleasure?...

"My pleasure...??!!" She was at a loss for words, but finally took a deep breath and told him that there was a big fat cockroach sitting just over there and now it has galloped under the bed and what to do?....

He looked surprised. "What's under our bed?" he wanted to know. By now she had decided on action and was jumping up and down on top of the bed, waving her arms wildly, partly from fear and partly hoping to get the beast to come charging out from under the bed, so her hero could hit it on the head with his shoe, which by then he was holding in his trusty hand. No dice and no cockroach. Stalemate again.

They did want to sleep in their bed that night, but not as long as that miserable creature was alive and having a party right under them. Their bed was huge. Unmovable. They had it especially made to measure, because he claimed that all the other beds they used to have were never long enough and that's why his toes curled under....

What to do? He finally told her to stop that ridiculous jumping and get off the bed. It was not accomplishing anything at all, but giving him a headache. OFF.

Right. They went into a huddle. She suggested the vacuum cleaner. "Put it on high" she said "and put the narrow nozzle under the bed and the cockroach will come charging out and you will then be able to..."

"Good idea," he agreed. They got the machine out and put it all together. He positioned himself on one side of the bed and she again mounted the bed, on the lookout, she said, in case the beast came out.

"OK. All right" he said to her. "Just don't fall off". He put the vacuum on high and tried this way and that way, under here and over there. And nothing. Absolutely nothing happened. The beast remained under the bed and they were totally frustrated and quite exhausted. He told her to get off the bed. She said that if she does and they left, the cockroach would come out and they would never know that he was gone, and....

He had enough. "OUT" he said to her. "Please, go into the next room and leave this to me. I am going to spray him out".

"Spray?" She was amazed. "How are we going to sleep in here with that smell?" she wanted to know, keeping a keen look out all around the bed.

"Please!" He begged her. "Just get off the bed, slowly, out of this room and let me do what has to be done. Go and make us some drinks..."

That she understood and within a short time he joined her and said: "We'll give it two hours and then we'll check. In the worst case we'll sleep in the living room. Nothing to worry about. We are not going to be defeated by a stupid cockroach."

Yeah, yeah, she said silently to herself.

After a couple of drinks she had to agree with him. Quite right! Their life could not be directed by a cockroach. No matter how big and ferocious. They played a game of scrabble, had another drink and then slowly walked into the very smelly bedroom. There was nothing. No cockroach anywhere. Both were perplexed. The room smelled something awful. If the bloody cockroach was not dead, they certainly would have been, if they stayed in that room much longer. They decided to open up everything including the air-conditioner and amazingly enough, within a very short time, the smell disappeared, but still there was no sign of the cockroach. They could not look under the bed. That was not possible. Too big, too heavy and too low! They started looking around the room, picking up chairs and small objects and suddenly, there, in a corner, under one of the chairs, she spotted the "monster" that had managed to make such a mess of their evening. DEAD. On his back with what seemed like twenty legs still moving in the air. The cockroach was so small, and terribly ugly.

Once again her hero came to the rescue, this time with pan and broom, and disposed of the despised pest, flushing him down the toilet, both praying silently that its relatives would by not decide to come to its flowing funeral...

Send your questions to The Wacky Cook: email: debbiemorgenshtern@gmail.com      

Debbie Morgenstern is the author of "My Life in Israel" and other short stories.
"My Life in Israel" can be purchased by accessing this link: "My Life in Israel"