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And, suddenly a bird came flying past my window; flew back and forth a couple more times and then sat down on my window ledge and just looked at me. He finally got tired of looking and screeched at me in great fury and as I just looked at him and did not screech back, he flew away...!
We have a lot of birds here and amazingly, everybody in the Home puts up with them. We feed them - mostly bread... Yes, I can see from my window people scattering bread on the lawns... I was going to write about "Bread" in this Column, but writing about bread must include another section of my hidden life in the convent and the Holocaust and I can not deal with it now. I am dealing with quite a lot and, as I have no idea why it is even harder to take. I have no idea if moving into this Home, or my old age is suddenly bringing back my childhood! But that is what is happening. Every little thing brings on some memory and I am under its influence! I start speaking German for no reason at all... Yes, even though I was born in Poland, the "fashion" at that time was to bring over a nanny from Germany who spoke no Polish. From her I learned German and we then both learned Polish, so I carry both languages with me to this day. We will be sitting in the coffee house, the L&M and I, drinking coffee and watching the people go by and suddenly I speak Polish to him!... Madness?... Maybe.
Thank goodnes that my Hungarian disappeared! But completely! That is quite amazing, because when we lived in Budapest, everybody was convinced that I was born there. My Hungarian was that perfect! Now I can not remember a single, simple word...
So; is it the Home? Or my old age? What is upsetting this strange time in my life? It is actually quite a pleasant time, a "settled" time and well organized, so why this sudden upset? I spoke about it to my son, who is a psychologist; we bashed it back and forth for quite a while and I really do not think we came to any conclusions. Maybe he is too close to it?... Maybe there is no clear satisfactory answer to "old age"...
The people in the Home are strange; or maybe they are not... I made a decision when we moved in; not to mix. Maybe it was not a good decision to make, but the thought of living in an Old Age Home with Old People would have made it impossible for us to stay here... True, we do not have friends here and we do not participate in any activities. Incredibly, they have some activity going on every hour of every day! Quite amazing the choice they offer! But I felt that remaining alone we would still have the feeling of living on our own and in our own home.
I said before that the people here are "strange"; there is a woman here who sat next to us at some holiday event. She looked at our cards and said: "Oh! We have the same name!". She thought about it for a while and then said: "BUT", and she emphasized that "we are NOT related! I am from Poland" she declared proudly! I just smiled and did not say anything, but one day I will shock her and tell her that we MUST be related! For the time being she nods at me when she sees me, but that is all. No greeting...
It is funny, but I have discovered, and the L&M agrees with me, that the only place that the people here are all very pleasant is in the lift! I have no idea why, but they will all come into the lift, smile and say a nice "Shalom" or other greeting! They will even ask how you are and what is new?... They go out of the lift, again grim and angry looking and nobody talks to nobody! Old- Age?... Right!
Send your questions to The Wacky Cook: email: debbiemorgenshtern@gmail.com
Debbie Morgenstern is the author of "My Life in Israel" and other short stories.
"My Life in Israel" can be purchased by accessing this link: "My Life in Israel"