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Wacky Week
We just went through a week which "nicely" should be called "That was the Week that Was". It was a horror and preferably forgotten! Quickly! Let me tell you - it was no fun; everything that could go wrong, did! Plus more! And it had nothing to do with the "resident" ghost, who I am sure is responsible for an awful lot of things going on here!... It was just pure madness every day and I am quite convinced that if I did not have my two good friends standing by me - Mr. Whiskey and Mrs. Gin - I would have gone totally mad!

The week started off with both toilets overflowing! And not just the toilets; the shower bubbled up black muck! Yes. Again! I called the plumber, a lovely young chap who looks at the ceiling when he talks to you. He did come over quite soon - a small miracle in itself - and he was quite splendid; got everything "unplugged" (and you can not imagine the mess which, of course, I had to clean up: black gook absolutely everywhere!...). And to make my day really perfect, as he was leaving, he warned me that it will happen again, because the pipes, not necessarily under this flat but lower down, are totally blocked up! So, stay tuned. This is part of the exiting "Life-in-Israel" series, unfolding right here in front of your eyes...

The next day, I was putting away a very large pyrex dish and it "skipped" out of my hands! Now: can you even imagine this? It literally burst into a million pieces!! I just stood there, completely transfixed, looking at the shining mess all around me. We have a very big place here and this "shining" mess went just everywhere! How to move and how to start cleaning it up?... I just had to and did as much as I could! The helper was coming the next day, which was a miracle and a blessing, because no matter how I tried to gather it all up, there was more somewhere else! After I finally decided that I can do no more and must leave the final "sweep" for the helper, the L&M feeling badly for me, came to my rescue! Told me to sit down, take deep breaths and presented me with a tall, strong one! "And, not to worry about lunch!" Said he; he will take care of that, said he, as he got busy in the kitchen... And he really did; made a lovely egg salad, toast and sliced tomatoes, but as usual, he does not believe in adding any salt or pepper to his dishes, so I took the shaker and shook it over my plate. Unfortunately, the large part of the container was open and my salad became white - completely covered by salt!... Another "tall" and "strong" one settled my giggles and my demands to know: "what's next?"...

Well, next was the toaster-oven blowing up! It actually did not at first; there was a "smell" of fire, which we finally located to the plug in the wall, which belonged to the toaster oven... It was nicely burned! Another miracle!... Apparently the fire just "stayed" there! We quickly got the plug out of the wall, but now what?... I really need that oven for my daily cooking needs... We packed it up to shlep to an electrician, but the helper who was here that day, again became active and said: "just take this plug and go and buy a new one - I know how to change it". Believing in her completely, off we went and got a new plug and this time she nearly burned the place down! There was a boom after she put the new plug onto the toaster and shoved it into the wall.. and a... Don't ask! The toaster is dead and will stay dead. We got the electrician to come in and check the wall as I was not sure about the wires. He re-assured us that all was well, so I ordered from him a very big new toaster oven, but I do not want to start using it until Pesach... We will just have to manage!

You would think that was enough for one week, wouldn't you?... But, noooo! My television went on the blink! One minute "she" was working, the next she was utterly dead. Now, I do not know about you, but I love television; when I am tired the only way I can rest and relax is by watching something on the TV. And, I can always find something to watch! How can you do your morning exercises without the morning news on TV?... No way! We tried everything to get it going. The TV people told us that they can come in four days... The L&M, who usually knows how to fix the "box", could do nothing! "She" resisted all his efforts! But I was lucky! When the electrician came, we asked him if he could take a look at the TV. He said sure! Took the "clicker" flipped a fingerover something and the blooming thing started to work!

I am not sure if I should tell you about my computer conking out on me! It did - yes - this week. Honestly! I kid you not!... And Arye, THE man, came and fixed it! So, this was the week that was for me! I hope you had a good laugh, because one must remember: we don't stop laughing because we grow old - we grow old because we stop laughing!

Send your questions to The Wacky Cook: email: POOP_1@netvision.net.il      

Debbie Morgenstern is the author of "My Life in Israel" and other short stories.